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Tiger Woods: Really Falling For Rachel Uchitel!

"I want you to lay next to me, on me, wherever you want to lay. F***! Why didn’t we find each other years ago. We wouldn’t be having this conversation.” - Tiger Woods

As a night club promoter and serial adulterer, Rachel Uchitel is no stranger to celebrity. But she says her affair with Tiger Woods was more than just a fling.

"In every story, you need a villain and a hero," she told OK! in an interview. "I’ve been characterized as the villain. People have called me a home wrecker."

"I make mistakes, but I’m not a tramp, a gold digger, or a whore. I have good qualities. When you’re judged by the nation, it’s really difficult. It’s horrible."

Woods clearly believed his marriage was a sham - he told some of his many mistresses as much - but Uchitel apparently meant more to him than the rest.

The topic of Tiger's relationship with Rachel was what sent his wife Elin through the roof. According to various reports, he said he was in love with Rachel.

“Tiger told her he would divorce his wife for her,” an insider says, adding that Tiger Woods "desperately wanted to leave Elin and their kids to be with her."

Did Tiger Woods plan on leaving Elin for Rachel Uchitel?

In an e-mail obtained by In Touch Weekly, he gushed, “I know it’s brutal on you that you can’t be with me all the time. I get it. It f***ing kills me, too."

The golf great continued: "I finally found someone I connect with, someone I have never found. Not even at home. You want someone to witness your life."

After Rachel Uchitel replied and complained that she didn’t feel like hashing out the relationship over email, a solemn Tiger wrote back, “You don’t have to answer that e-mail. I just wanted you to know what’s going on inside me.”

BARF! This was before Tiger and Rachel got into a fight after he questioned her motives and accused her of sleeping with him because he was famous.

“I don’t know if this is going to work,” he said. “I thought I was getting to know you, but it feels like I’m just another guy who happens to be famous."

"Some parts of your past really get to me," Woods wrote of his lover's previous flings with David Boreanaz and Derek Jeter. "I don’t know what person I was falling for so hard. The one I got to know, or the one who likes famous people."

"I am so confused."

Needless to say, so are we, Tiger. Over how we misjudged you so badly for the last dozen years. We hope it was all worth it. Sleaze.

Holly Sampson: I Totally Did Tiger Woods!

Earlier this week, Holly Sampson was revealed as the seventh Tiger Woods mistress. That's out of eight. That we know of. As we are writing this. Right now.

The final number of women Tiger cheated on his wife Elin with may never be known, but it looks like plenty of his rumored flings are very much legitimate.

Some even bragged about nailing Woods months ago!

In an interview with adult site Naughty America, Holly Sampson alleged she had sex with Tiger Woods ... which peeps probably thought was BS back then.

She goes into some detail about the encounter, noting that the railing took place at ... Tiger's bachelor party. Hey, at least he wasn’t married at the time!

Holly Sampson's choice quote on the affair: "Yeah, I f--ked Tiger Woods. Me and my girlfriends did a bachelor party for Tiger and it was amazing. And then he (Woods) picked me to go in the room. I have to say he was really good… pretty amazing."

YOU DON'T SAY! Holly Sampson, Tiger Woods mistress #7, kisses and tells.

Of the world's #1 golfer, she added: “He’s like the whitest black boy you’ve ever met. His teeth are perfect and he’s the perfect gentleman. He’s beautiful.”

“It was pretty simple, straight up sex. He’s got a lot to protect himself from too. I think he would probably die if he knew I was telling this on the Internet but that’s okay, I don’t care. It was fun, it’s not like it was any big mystery.”

Eh, he's got other things to worry about. Seven other things.

In the online rant, Holly Sampson also confirmed she gave oral sex to Woods (and that he used a condom, which Jaimee Grubbs said he wasn't into with her).

Holly Sampson makes no mention of other liaisons with Woods during the interview, which took place in May, but it's not a stretch to believe there were more.

And by not a stretch, we mean we'd bet money there were. But chances are he didn't fall in love with her like he later did Rachel Uchitel - his final undoing.

Hilarious Tabloid Cover of the Week: A Baby For Jennifer Aniston ... with Brad Pitt's Help!

Wow. Either Star didn't feel the Tiger Woods drama was that big a deal, or this Jennifer Aniston gossip was just too good not to make its lead story.

Despite the biggest sex scandal in a long time - and possibly the biggest in the history of sports - actually happening, Star went a different route.

Well, a different route from other celeb gossip tabloids.

It's not exactly a story that hasn't been told before ... almost every single week by Star and its ilk. OMG! The lonely girl is finally having a baby:

It's a baby at last for Jennifer Aniston! Note: No it's not.

According to this ridiculous cover, Jennifer Aniston is, at long last, having a baby. Brad Pitt apparently "helped" in this endeavor. Whatever that means.

Leaf through the pages and you can read all about their "secret arrangement," though. Not sure how secret it can be, considering they reunite every week.

Perhaps because it doesn't explicitly say that Brad got Jennifer Aniston pregnant (for once), Brad's helping by donating one of his 29 kids to his ex-wife.

How "he convinced Angie" we can't say. But rest assured, Star can. Their novelists have been working on this one for a good couple of months now.

Alexa Ray Joel: Feeling Better

Alexa Ray Joel is bouncing back beautifully after her brief hospital stay this weekend, thanks to the help of her parents Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley.

The 23-year-old called 911 Saturday after an apparent drug overdose in which she took eight Traumeel pills, a medication, and had trouble breathing.

"She has the most attentive parents," says a family friend of Alexa Ray.

"She is very close to Billy, and Alexa and her mom are really best friends."

"They're focused on making sure she is going to be alright."

Alexa Ray Joel was said to be distraught over a boyfriend.

"[Christie Brinkley] rushed to her daughter's side," says a friend. "She was worried sick, showered her with affection and told she would support her always."

Since the incident, triggered by her rocky relationship with ex-boyfriend Jimmy Riot, Christine and Billy have made sure their only child knows people care.

"Alexa is the sweetest girl. She is one of the dearest souls on Earth," says the friend. "She's an artist and like all artists, she's always very passionate."

"Growing up is hard enough, but under a microscope it's unbelievably difficult ... she will recover from this and be horrified it became such a spectacle."

Jamie Jungers Spent Tiger Woods' Cash on Lipo

Jamie Jungers, a.k.a. the cute, blonde, fourth Tiger Woods mistress, was getting more than sex out of the deal - he lavished tens of thousands on her.

This according to a report that the model used scads of money she got from the world's #1 golfer playboy to enhance her already striking looks.

"Tiger gave Jamie thousands of dollars," said an insider to celeb gossip mag Life & Style. "She took that money to get liposuction on her thighs."

Trashy Jungers met Woods in Las Vegas in 2005 while working as a so-called "Trashy Girl" for some (appropriately named) Trashy Lingerie pics.

Here's a picture of those thighs Tiger bought. He bought a good product ...

Tiger Woods outfitted Jamie Jungers with a pretty nice body.

They supposedly cavorted without the knowledge of Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, for more than a year - and at the same time Jamie Jungers was engaged.

Jaime Jungers wasn't the only woman he'd pay to play, either. Tiger also forked over cash to get serviced by his porn star mistress, another report said.

TVeronica Siwik-Daniels - known to fans as "Joslyn James" - considers herself a "full-time mistress" of Woods after years of servicing his ravenous needs.

Joslyn, whose on-screen performances include group sex and other acts not fit for a family gossip site, "used to love to talk about 'all the freaky sh!t Tiger dug in bed,'" according to a VIP concierge who knows the buxom brunette.

The concierge, identified as Jorge, also told the Web site that every time Woods came to Vegas, he would pay for a visit with Siwik-Daniels - in cash.

Woods has also been linked to another porn "actress," Holly Sampson, along with a half-dozen other mistresses. That we know of. Give it an hour or two.